I am moved in my spirit to release some words and there is so much that I have to say, because the tree that’s suppose to give me shade and comfort is drying up and is withering away. There is nothing it can offer being on life support and now it’s time for me to pull the plug, because they say that the blood is more thicker than water but to me the waters thicker than blood. On the outside it is healthy and the branches are strong though the tree seem to sparkle a little, but there is venom that has reached every fruit of the tree because the root of the tree is bitter. There is fussing and there’s fighting, hurtful words and back biting and there is no one who can work things out, and everybody’s divided and against one another that the sword will never leave the house. It’s like a thorn in my flesh that is piercing my soul and fiery darts that are prepared for me, but God is grooming and he’s trimming so my branch will stand out, to make it shine through the family tree.
For the vision is set for an appointed time and I’ll sit quietly as I wait, because I know that the Lord watches over his word and he promise that he won’t be late. The dreams that the Lord had revealed to me is being fulfilled because he could not lie, and there is someone that I know who’s still apart of me and just the thought of him makes me cry. You’re like a magnet that is pulling and I’m spiritually fighting because I want to leave it all behind, but you’re still in my spirit and you reign in my heart and now I’m clearly seeing all of the signs. Timing is the key that will bring about healing but it’s taking such a very long time, because I know that loving you it can never be wrong but i feel like I’m commiting a crime. But I plan to keep my distance though you taught me a lesson of all the things that I should not do, to be so quick to fall in love and I’m always reminded everyday when I am thinking about you.
Lord I thank you for waking me up this morning and to cherish another day, because this day really mean so much to me and you have carried me all the way. May your grace continue to abound on me with the blessings that you have given, because I’m thankful to see another birthday, along with 41 years of living…Happy Birthday Vicky Pittard 3/8/16
The Lord told Abraham to leave his land, and there will never be another like him, and Samson was known as the strongest man, and there will never be another like him. Jesus cured the sick and the blind was healed and there will never be another like him, and Joshua prayed to God that the sun would stand still, and there will never be another like him. Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived and there will never be another like him, and Peter denied Jesus on the night he was killed, and there will never be another like him. During my time and generation I have seen many women with sandy hair and some hazel brown eyes, and I have also seen women who was tall like me, with light skin and was also my size. But I’ll always love the fact that no matter how many of the people in this world I’ll see, that there will never once again be someone who’s identical, and there will never be another like me.
It’s not easy watching others who are so in love and seeing women spending time with their man, and it’s not easy being at the movie sitting all by myself and seeing others who are holding hands. It’s not easy dressing up and I’m shopping alone when they’re others who are making some plans, and it’s not easy cooking dinners when it’s only just me, and something that was not apart of the plan. It’s not easy having a calling from the Lord on my life when everyday I have to take up my cross, by dying to myself which is not very easy but I’m determine that I’ll pay the cost. It’s not easy for me to think that my time will be up and then eventually God will call me home, but before that day will come I just want to be happy and have a man that I can call my own.
Do you remember the times when we were sipping on wine and when our life together seemed to be fine? and do you remember the days when you would sit down and gaze into my eyes that had you so amazed? Do you remember the months when we would go out for lunch and go to parties where they spiked up the punch? Do you remember the years when we had fun and no fears and when you whispered sweet words in my ears? Do you remember that dress, on the night we had sex, and how your sweat was running down on my chest? Do you remember the parks, where we would go after dark, when there was nothing that could keep us apart? Do you remember the fights and the way we would fuss though we loved each other so very much? Do you remember those things or meditate on these things or do you ever really think about us?
Every car that passes by I am watching and peeping and I have my blinds opened up wide, and late at night I am tossing and I’m turning and weeping and I’m moving from side to side. I’m overtaken and I’m weak because I’m blinded by love and my friends they sit and watch in horror, because I’m acting like someone who has ceased from drugs and now I’m shaking like I’m having withdrawals. Whenever my phone starts to ring I am thinking it’s you but when it’s not I start feeling despair, because I’m walking around town talking to myself, hallucinating when you’re not even there. Every person that I meet I am thinking it’s you but it’s someone else who I’m seeing instead, and there are strangers who are passing and they’re offering me money because they think I’m standing begging for bread. Love doesn’t last forever but these feelings that I’m having for you is so deep, because I can’t seem to shut or to close my eyes without crying myself to sleep.
I am riding on the clouds while my mind is at ease with a feeling I never felt before, because my burdens have been lifted and I’m no longer bound but through the clouds I can see a rainbow. It’s amazing how I’ve grown and i didn’t go back to what I’ve experienced one year ago, but you’re desperate and you see that I am living so high because you want to bring me back down low. I cannot say that it was easy being away from you because if I did then it would be a lie, but I vowed to serve the Lord everyday of my life until the day that I finally die. I have a peace which surpasses all understanding because I’m resting in my father’s wings, but if I had not been removed away from you I wouldn’t have known what a storm could bring.
If you’re wondering how it all happened, and how everything first began, when the Lord blessed me with a big mansion, and with everything that was put within. My chairs are made of gold, with rubies all over my door, and my stove is made of glass, with diamonds all over my floor. Mirrors are all around me while my closets are filled with hats, and my yard is filled with palm trees with a swimming pool in the back. My lakes are filled with tourists, who have traveled from different coast, and I have beautiful stylish clothes, with nice Versace coats. I’m eating foods that I’ve never heard of and sleeping in beds that are huge and soft, but this is only my imagination, of my troubles just paying off.
What I don’t need is a man that’s not good for me with any goals or desire for learning, and what I don’t need is a man who has no respect, and wants to visit three o’clock in the morning. What I don’t need is a man with his pants hanging down and with a mind that is so depraved, and what I don’t need is a man who wants to drive my car but works a job that is minimum wage. What I don’t need is a man who doesn’t love himself but sleep around with every woman he meets, and what I don’t need is a man who wants to sleep during the day but up at night selling drugs on the streets. But what I need is a man who would pray for me and would treat me like he would his mother, and if I’m sick I need a man to lay his hands on me and quote a scripture so that I can recover. What I don’t need is a man that would hinder me but would help me to be all I can be, and what I don’t need is a man to pay my bills for me or a man to take care of me.